Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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