So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
