sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
