Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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