Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
