Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
