Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
