I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
