im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
