Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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