.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You ruined the universe
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
