My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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