Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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