do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize