Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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