Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
