I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize