you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
