At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so that wasnt chicken after all
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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