SEEEEXXX PLEASE
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
