My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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