i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
