LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
