i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
