She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
