dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
