I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
