I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
