My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize