I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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