If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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