too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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