Pappa wants mamma naked
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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