I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize