My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
