SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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