In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
