I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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