you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I color on your dick again?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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