you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
