I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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