I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize