Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
