Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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