dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize