Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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