I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
