Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
