Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got inside last night via doggy door
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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