I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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