come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
