Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
