Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
