I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
