What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize