Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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