So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
