but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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