Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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