you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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