i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
