11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
