ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
