she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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