Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
