I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
