Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize