Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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