So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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